Monday, July 21, 2014

Catching up with Rowan

I know it's been months since I've posted pictures of the boys. Rowan is growing up fast so I figured I'd throw some photos I have been obsessively taking the last 4 months..... Why does it seem like he is growing up faster than Raine?

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Conversations With The Toddler

{We have Conversations With The Cuddler but lets be honest here, sometimes the kid is even funnier than the father..... In a whole less raunchy, yet terribly cute sort of way.}

It's been a long time! But Raine has been saying some funny shit so I needed to update! ;)

With a little brother in the house, Raine has had a lot of anatomy questions. Don't ask my why Rowan coming home brought all this on but hey, in the name of education, right? The problem being that we are also learning about plants a lot lately. 

James: That's called a penis.
Raine: What?! Venus? Daddy, there's no planets down here!

and then yesterday, out of nowhere he sits on his potty to take a dump and when he finishes he turns to look at it and exclaims:

Raine: Guys, look! It's a castle!!! I made a castle!

I couldn't make this stuff up. I honestly couldn't.  

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Temporarily Miserable

Holy crow, things have been rough. Emotionally anyway..... the boys are great. Easy as can be. Thank God because otherwise I'd likely be a shitty mom right now. It's as if God knows I just need to handle things one moment at a time and the boys being angels is what is necessary to accomplish that.

I'm beginning to think I need to talk to my doctor about changing or upping my medication. For 2 months there I was feeling really great but now, now I'm a ticking time bomb. I can be super high and happy and then the next minute, without warning or for any reason, I am a hot mess of what the fuck?

I haven't slept at all this week. I can't remember the last time I suffered with insomnia but here we are. Or maybe not. Seems I can sleep just fine during the day but at night I lie awake expecting all the things that could go wrong to happen at any moment. Anxiety is through the roof and I've had to hit up the Ativan twice this week. I'm terrified over what I will do when that bottle is empty. Probably take Benadryl. Benadryl always calms me down. But it also drys up my milk supply..... so no.

I'm working out like crazy. It seems to keep the heart palpitations at bay. But I'm eating terribly and my body is definitely giving me hell about it. She's particularly loud when I step on the scale. I miss wearing pants. Real pants. Not yoga pants. Haven't worn pants in 6 months. Imagine how depressing that is? I refuse to buy new pants because then it's as if I am accepting this. I'm not one to just give up and lay it down. But chocolate spoon cake is the only thing cheering me up right now.... so there's that.

I buy things when I am anxious and sad. I buy lots of things. Jimmy must love this part of the cycle, right? But he lets me buy things hoping that it will cheer me up even if it's just a tiny moment. But that moment is usually blown to bits with the intense buyer's remorse I go through afterwards. So then I return things. Which is even harder on James because he has to figure out how to shove whatever it is I just bought and want to return back in the damn box. That man..... God love him.

Sorry for the downer post. It just feels good to put it out here. Crack a joke about it. Laugh it off and view the reality in my place here on the web. It helps me realize that it will pass. The way it always does. The way it always will.

In the meantime, I think I'll go beg James for another bunny....