Saturday, July 30, 2011

Nightmare Before Christmas Nursery

I was scouring the internet looking for 1st birthday party ideas for Raine (yes folks, it's almost that time already) when I happened upon some ideas for a Nightmare Before Christmas Theme which got me thinking, I haven't posted pictures of his freaken rockstar digs. So without further adieu....

I found the sticky wall mural and paintings/drawings on Etsy. This oh so comfy glider and ottoman were found at Walmart of all places.





The bookshelf I happened to have from Ikea. All knick knacks and random Jack Skeleton stuffies my mother had found tag-saling or bargain shopping.

I found a woman on Etsy who specialized in making gothic nursery sets and that is where I got the crib bedding, mobile, hamper liner, and changing table cover.


I love his Zero light switch cover =D


Awesome Right?
__________________________________________________

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Conversations with The Cuddler

{Conversations with The Cuddler posts are excerpts of conversations with my husband, James. It's a peek at the hilarious, sometimes bazaar, always nonsensical topics that come up around here. In short, my husband just says the darndest things.}

The conversations that take place within these walls of the banana household can be amusing. While brilliant, the things that come out of my fiance's mouth fall anywhere between hilarity to the absurd. 
Case in point: 

(Note: usually we post these silly tidbits of conversation on facebook for our friends to enjoy. Witness Jimmy's habit of thieving the conversation in an entirely different direction and forgetting what I was actually telling him.)
Me: I deleted Facebook. I feel so liberated!
The Cuddler: Liberated like you just got suffrage?
Me: suffrage?
The Cuddler: Yeah, suffrage. You feel as if you were a woman who was alive back when the whatever amendment was passed that gave woman the right to vote.
Me: That's probably how most men refer to that amendment.....the "whatever" amendment.
The Cuddler: ha! Yeah! That's great. You should post this on Facebook....doh!

How does one go about "getting" suffrage? and would one even really want to? 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Sharing

.....also because it wouldn't hurt to remind myself of a few things. Sometimes this hippy frou frou shit settles me a tad. 

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."
~Wayne Dyer

"Conflict can not survive without participation"
~Wayne Dyer

"How people treat you is their karma; How you react is yours."
~Wayne Dyer

And last but not least....
"Goosfraba!"
~Jack Nicholson ;)


Why, I Oughta....

Have I mentioned that I hate this wedding? It's like that family member that comes to "visit" but refuses to leave and you find yourself plotting their demise in your dark bedroom at 3 a.m. while they raid your fridge for the millionth time. I hate it something dark and quite homicidal. I wouldn't mind if it fell asleep at the wheel and ran off the road on a long road trip to hades. 

Then why have the wedding, you ask? Because I am invested. A good chunk of change I can't justify losing sort of invested and now I have bridesmaids invested as well. Each week I sort of dig myself deeper and it's possible I am losing my mind in the process. I could clear away from it now. It IS just money really but I'd lose all this money?! catch my meaning?

I felt bullied into buying my wedding dress and hated it so what did I do? bought another stinkin' dress. When looking for venues I did a quick guest count in my head when I chose a place with minimal seating only to realize much later (and far too late) that my guest list far exceeded the capacity the venue could hold so goodbye guest list. I had to cut it nearly in half. Now I am attempting to figure out some after party/dinner situation to make up for people who were excluded that I will likely be too tired to attend and unable to pay for. The only thing that fell into place is that my theme is very accommodating and, dare I say it? was fun to plan out and decorate. But THAT'S IT. Everything else can suck my *insert something you think is gross here* 

Now this wedding is literally impeding on my quality of life. It's the big fat lady standing in the way of that glorious last piece of cheesecake at the local buffet. It's literally the thing that is standing between us (The Mad Cuddler and I) and a happy, stress free existence. How odd is that? This should be that happy start of our lives together and we literally view it as a thorn in our side. A big gnarly ugly thorn and it's caused an icky, green, puss filled infection that no doctor can cure. 

I'm gonna kick this wedding in the ding ding....

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Belly Bandit Review With Pictures

With a new baby entering the family this month I have had the opportunity to hear a lot of professional views on the Belly Bandit and other postpartum tummy compressors. Generally their outlook is one of doubt and I have heard them tell their patients flat out that it simply does not work. I have started carrying my before and after photos on my phone just hoping for the opportunity to prove them wrong. 

What is belly binding? According to the Belly Bandit website:

"For centuries, Japanese mothers have used their “Sarashi” to speed up weight loss and toning of the abdominal muscles and skin after childbirth, while Hispanic mommies believe their “faja” helps bring all the muscles used in the birthing process back together again. No matter what she calls it, women in Indonesia, Thailand, Singapore, Latin America, Mexico, Spain, England, and the Philippines have benefited from using an abdominal compression wrap after childbirth.

From reasons spiritual to medicinal to plain old vanity, stomach binding has been around as long as the Buddha. In ancient Indian rituals, binding is practiced to warm and close the open stomach and birth canal. They also believe it speeds up the ridding of waste blood. It is still common for modern Indian women to wear these binders to promote good posture during breastfeeding, persuade the stomach muscles back together, reposition the womb, and eliminate stretch marks."

There are many different ideas and theories behind the practice but the end result seems to be the same, a slimmer tummy faster after baby. 

There are also plenty of ways to do it. Ace bandages, back braces can double as a tummy compressor, or even scarves wrapped tight. Just about anything will probably work depending on the persons comfort level. I went with the Belly Bandit because it was just easier for me than spinning in place while The Cuddler wrapped me with bandages that he wouldn't likely get tight enough anyway. Then he would want to unwrap it and retry 542 times until our newborn son was screaming his darn head off to eat ..... *sigh* it wasn't a situation I needed to find myself, okay?

So I bought the Belly Bandit. I went with two of the black bamboo bandits because I had read reviews stating they were the best for fit and comfort. Two different sizes for when I shrunk and needed a tighter size because it really should fit snugly in order to do it's job. Putting it on loose or even comfortably isn't going to cut it, ladies. Believe me, after having a baby, wearing it tight is going to be more comfortable anyway. 

My doctor told me no more than 6 weeks or else it would have the opposite effect leaving my stomach muscles weaker and "lazy" as he put it. If I recall correctly, their website says no longer than 6 weeks as well. Both doctor and website were also clear that it should be worn damn near 24 hours a day 7 days a week. That's right, only off for showering which didn't bother me because I was much more comfortable with it on anyway.  After a 10 lb baby I was very much suffering that empty tummy feeling.

Now, the first week I ended up needing to buy a back brace/compressor at the drugstore because my small Belly Bandit wasn't closing around me just yet. This was partly due to my stomach being extra distended after holding my extra large son but also because their sizes run a little small so keep that in mind when purchasing.

 Once I was in the actual Belly Bandit it was much more comfortable than the drugstore cheap variety I had purchased. It was firmer and fit nicer to my shape and felt much sturdier holding me in better. It wasn't invisible under clothing unfortunately but I didn't really expect it to be either so unlike other reviewers I wasn't majorly disappointed by this development. It held up well in the wash too which I hear can be an issue with the non bamboo ones. Overall I was satisfied with construction and performance with the only downfall being that it wasn't easily hidden but to be honest, I spent much of those postpartum weeks in my flippin pajamas any darn way.

So, did it work?? See for yourself....

40 weeks pregnant. 1 week before delivery.

2 Days postpartum. Still pretty distended. I started wearing the Belly Bandit right after this photo was taken.

2 weeks postpartum. 3" lost.

6 Weeks postpartum. 5" down total around stomach.

Yes, Yes it did. At 4 weeks I was 4 inches down and at my pre pregnancy size but I kept wearing it for the full 6 weeks and lost another inch. Unfortunately I ruined it =/ I started eating poorly when I had so little time to make healthier food choices taking care of my newborn. But that is a whole other problem and in the end the Belly Bandit did what it claims to do. 

Do you HAVE to buy the Belly Bandit? No, probably not. Like I said earlier, other options will work but my opinion is that this is the best option. The sturdy construction and fit alone are worth what you pay for it so if you can afford to, get the Belly Bandit. I doubt you'll regret it. 

Monday, July 25, 2011

To Live or To Breed

Last week my best friend (she's my cousin too!) had her baby girl. I'm so happy and excited for her and her husband =D She's a beautiful tiny little peanut and even if I am not her REAL aunt I'm still looking forward to being "Auntie T" and spoiling the ever loving crap out of her. 

While visiting my new, oh so beautiful niece, my best friend and I got to talking as we usually do. I asked her, now that she is a new mom, what her thoughts were on mothers who can ...... for lack of a better term, "party" and leave their kids with others rather than stay home and raise their kids themselves? 


Now, before you misunderstand, I am not judging here. How a woman chooses to raise her family is none of my damn business. If going out for drinks is what's needed for mom to remain a happy, stable parent then so be it. I am merely curious to the other side of things. For me, I can't stand to be away from The Destroyer in exchange for a "good time" more than occasionally. Since his birth I have been out no more than 2-3 times. To me, I'd rather be with him watching him be a goofball than out having "fun". Or maybe it's as simple as this IS my way of having fun now. And I AM talking about bars, parties, and booze. Not dinner and a movie with your husband/friends or a shopping trip with the ladies. 

Anyway, we tossed around a few theories such as age, maturity, single parenting, and even living situation but my friend actually brought up a theory that intrigued the hell out of me. She suggested that maybe it's the more frequent choice of formula over breastfeeding (at least in our area) that diminishes the mommy/child bond which makes it easier for moms to sort of shake the shackles of motherhood more often than mothers who are sort of stuck home with the kidlet because they need to eat.

Think about it, When you breastfeed you are sort of attached (literally) to your child. Unless you are a master pumper, you sort of need to be around to feed the hungry beast, ya know what I am saying? When you formula feed, damn near anyone can give them a bottle, you know, providing they have hands or at least a flexible foot situation going on.

So MAYBE breastfeeding makes us overly bonded with our kids over time. You're kind of forced to bond differently when your spawn is attempting to rip off your shirt in public to feed his or herself. I'm going on ten months, plan to for 2 years. That's dedication and a whole lot of not going out for this lady right here. So is it possible that I have just adapted to my situation and woman who feed formula just have more freedom and tend to use it?

What do I know? It's just a theory. I know plenty of (read most) moms who formula fed who could be labeled just as child obsessed involved as I am. Maybe I am some crazy, psycho, overly obsessed with my kid-type woman that needs to seek help. Maybe the partying mommies are the level headed ones who actually have lives. You know, if getting loaded to the point of puking while someone else takes care of your responsibilities is considered a life...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I'm Your Narcissist, Baby.


Is this blog marching down the road of parent/family blogging? Do I WANT it to? I haven't made many posts yet but a good majority are about my little employees family. It appears my life is boring and that's the only subject I have to talk about. Anything else is more than likely not suitable for the public ...... or liable to get me arrested. With my foul language and other *cough* faults I doubt I can fit in amongst the other mommy blogs . There is also that whole "it's totally ok if my kid eats dirt" thing plus I'm wholeheartedly FOR bullying but more on that later.

I try to talk about any and all things so as not to bore the funk out of anyone reading (are you reading?) but I don't want to force issues or talk about shit I honestly couldn't give two mouse turds about. If my family is what's on my mind then that's what I am going to blog about. Occasionally I wonder about what color a smurfs shit must be. You may see a few posts about that.

Today it occurred to me, that's not why I am doing this to begin with. I'm too lazy to keep a journal not to mention my handwriting is sloppy as hell. So this is my place to bitch.....or laugh, cry, swoon and a host of other emotions or thoughts to scratch out. Does it matter if everyone is reading or no one at all? It shouldn't. Otherwise I'd end up some big fat fake.

I don't want to ever feel I have to write a post to please my readers or sensor myself for that matter. This is not supposed to be a popularity contest. Not for me anyway. Even the occasional review I do is mostly me raving about something in my own head. If someone finds it helpful, cool beans.

Course who am I kidding? I was that kid that wrote in a journal then left it out just so someone WOULD read it while pretending that it was oh so private. As if anyone truly gave a shit to begin with. I'm just narcissistic like that.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Sorry You're a Lonely Naysayer

If one more person, upon hearing about my upcoming nuptials, insists on dooming my marriage I may just tweak out. Why? Why do people (or should I say, perverted men) insist on launching statistics at me or suggesting that my marriage won't last 5 years let alone a decade? Well, I know WHY but still.....

Now, I can't be 100% positive that my marriage WILL last but I know one thing, I didn't come to my decision to get married lightly. We've been together for 4 years, engaged for 3. I made sure I was absolutely certain before I began to plan the wedding. Things may change someday but as of this moment I know without a doubt that this is the guy I want to be with and he better be DAMN sure that he wants to be with me. Just Saying.

I'm not some lovestruck teenager that has decided out of nowhere to get married on a whim (and who says those types of marriages NEVER work, hmm?) nor am I getting married simply because I have a child with the guy. We were engaged before this surprise pregnancy! In fact, I was preparing to finally set the date when lo and behold, pregnant. Marriage had to wait because I did not want to be a pregnant bride ..... especially in a black dress which was my color of choice at the time. 

So we waited some more which really wasn't a bad thing because adding kids to the equation can make or break a relationship, we like to say anyway. Waiting gave us the opportunity to find out that we make a pretty perfect super parent duo and that only fueled my determination to marry this fool. Seeing The Cuddler become a father, how good of a father he has turned out to be has only made me love him even more.

I've laid it all out and I know what I am doing. There isn't anything that anyone can say to sway me that I haven't already thought of on my own. Besides, I take "till death do us part" very seriously. 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Something to think about

Recently a friend asked me the simplest question: "Is it hard being a parent?" It was the type of question that normally I would answer without even thinking but for whatever reason it actually made me stop and think for a minute. If I was to answer simply, I would say no. At least answering it in the sense that he posed the question to me because I think he initially meant as far as physically caring for Raine. 




Some may think I am crazy but it really is a piece of cake caring for my kid. Partly because he's so freaking happy and easy going but I also think that regardless of how much I may have disagreed, I think I was actually ready to be a parent. I had reached a point in my life where I was bored, childish things were wearing thin, and I was ready for the next stage in my life.....apparently this was it. It's not to belittle the challenge that babies tend to be, by the way. God knows they are tiny little terrorists. If they weren't so cute........ *cough*

My final answer to my friends question though was yes. Why? It's not all the diapers or lack of sleep. It isn't having zero free time or looking like I just got out of bed ALL day. It's not any of the physical crap that comes with being a new mom. I've got that handled. It's all the other things that come with the territory. The emotional stuff. Financial stuff. All this damn worrying.

Suddenly there is this little person to care for, love, and raise. They come first (well, they SHOULD) and you begin thinking of stuff you never cared about before. Like being healthier so you're around to raise your kids. Making sound financial decisions for your children rather than spending that little extra cash on yourself. Getting yourself worked up about things that won't happen for another 16 years like the dreaded drivers license. Oh, and the latest one, is it better for The Destroyer to have a sibling or two or be an only child.....do I WANT more kids to think about?!

It doesn't matter how laid back of a parent you are either. Now that we are in the groove, The Cuddler and I couldn't possibly be more relaxed in regards to our son. We feel pretty confident (surprisingly) but that doesn't mean my mind isn't always turning things over, planning, and generally just thinking of my family first. It's a lot more than this selfish person was ever used to. From what I am told, it doesn't appear that these things will ever really get any easier either!

Maybe "hard" isn't the right word. But I'll have to ponder it more later. From the look on Raine's face, I think he might have just crapped his pants....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Weight ain't nothin but a number..




I swear the key to losing weight is to accept your weight then go out and buy a whole new wardrobe to match your current weight. Once the money is spent, then and only then will the weight magically come off.

I have been busting my rear end trying to lose this baby weight I've been retaining. Soon after The Destroyer was born I dropped pretty much all but 10lbs and I was ecstatic. Then came the sleepless nights and the exhaustion which meant we were less likely to even have the energy to cook. Cue in the more than occasional nights of take out and fast food and up goes the weight.....or so I THOUGHT it was the food.

Now I'm finding between what my doctor is telling me and my own research that breastfeeding is not so much the weight loss magic bean that we are constantly told. In fact, the majority of woman that DO breastfeed tend to retain a good amount of weight then deflate like balloons once they quit nursing. Basically, your body sort of stores fat to make milk. At least, that's what my basic understanding is about the subject. It explained why all my working out and calorie counting was not working the way it did when I first came home with Raine. It was also too much of a coincidence that my weight started to go up when nursing was fully established around Raine's third month.

So, I had given in. I wasn't going to stop feeding my son just so I could be skinny again so I had accepted that this is the way things were for at least another year at which point we will probably be talking about getting pregnant again so I figured who the funk cares, right? I decided to continue working out and eating healthy for my own benefit as well as my sons but I wasn't going to beat myself up anymore over the scale. With my newfound freedom off I went to do some much needed clothes shopping...

I hop on the scale at the beginning of the week out of habit and I am down 4 lbs. I put on a brand new pair of jeans that fit a little snug at the store and they are flippin loose. What. The. Funk.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Charlie Banana vs. gdiapers Diaper Review

The Destroyer is a big baby. I mean BIG. He was born nearly ten pounds and just never quit growing. Currently he is 26 lbs and 29 inches long. Yeah. People are just a tad surprised when they ask his age and I answer "9 months". Of course, being my first child and not really enjoying the company of children otherwise, I don't know the flippin difference but I am told he looks more like a year to 18 months old. All I DO know is that my back hurts.

Anyway, we decided to cloth diaper pretty soon in our pregnancy. The Cuddler thinking of saving money and me, I kept picturing animals eating diapers in landfills and dying ...... I occasionally have a heart. Sue me. 

The Destroyer in his gdiapers
After researching and reviewing a ton of different types of cloth diapers we settled on gdiapers. We liked that it was a three part system that we could do either cloth or a disposable option that happened to be biodegradable. We were turned off my all the other "all in one" cloth diaper options because it basically was a cloth diaper with an extra cloth insert for added absorbency and once the diaper was soiled the whole diaper, insert and all, would need to be washed. Gdiaper's advertised that in most cases only the cloth insert and the rubber snap in liner would need to be changed and the outer shell could be reused over and over. 

Well, that wasn't necessarily the case. I'd say 90% of diaper changes required a complete change, shell and all. There were also leaks OFTEN as my son grew out of each size. As long as the diaper fit him properly then leaks weren't as frequent and we found them to be more absorbent than regular disposables. But as soon as he began to outgrow them then it was craziness with leaks, blowouts, and massive loads of laundry! 

Then the inevitable happened.....he grew out of the largest size at 8 months old. Their large, meant for 26-36 lb babies, did not fit my 24lb son. His dang butt crack was hanging out. Cute but no dice. We felt pretty defeated assuming that we would have to switch to disposables for the rest of his diapering days. But we were on the hunt for another option.

Enter Charlie Banana all in one cloth diapers. They were pretty similar to other all in one cloth diapers (which seemed to be our only other option besides gdiapers .... and lets face it, I was washing whole diapers anyway) but had good reviews about a sturdier, leak proof shell and a stain resistant inner liner. Plus, they were called Charlie BANANA! Jimmy Bananas made his choice simply for that reason.

We ordered a single "one size" to try them out. Basically, they have small, medium, large, and one size fits all. Amazon wasn't selling any single sized diapers for us to test drive so we went with an all in one even though reviews told us it was just a little bit smaller than their large size when set to the largest size setting. 

When I received the diaper I decided to test run it overnight which is when we usually have the most leaks and issues with diapers. I initially was nervous that the diaper would be too bulky but it fit The Destroyer quite nicely. I also noticed the very soft interior of the diaper. With gdiapers, the snap in liners would always leave little indentations on my sons skin where the snaps were. I always worried that they were uncomfortable for him but with Charlie Banana, everything was soft and smooth against him. Off to bed we went expecting to see how they held up in 3 hours when The Destroyer usually would wake up to nurse. 

The next MORNING we woke up realizing The Destroyer had slept through the night!! Of course, after my initial amazement I went running into his room to see if he was ok. There was my son, grinning at me sleepily with a completely dry onesie. I removed the diaper and found the inside fairly dry and the insert soaked. The insert had absorbed all the extra wetness leaving the cloth closest to my sons bottom dry along with the outside of the diaper preventing leaks. I believe that it was the fact that the diaper left The Destroyer feeling drier through out the night that helped him sleep longer!

I went ahead and ordered two 6 packs of the size large and I have been using them for close to a month now. I LOVE Charlie Banana cloth diapers. I rarely have leaks. The few leaks I have had are because the large is actually a little too big for my fat son. Technically he could be in a medium but I don't think he would last long in them so I stick with the large. That being said, even though they are a little too big they still rarely leak. He is on the tightest setting of the size large (semi adjustable with a front snap system) and I think he has plenty of room to grow in them. I am hoping these will last him a longer time. Maybe even until he's potty trained.

Honestly, I can't wait to have another child just so I can diaper him/her with Charlie Bananas. I even think these diapers are sturdy enough to withstand multiple child use. My son has a lovely crap filled diaper at least once a day (sometimes 3) and these diapers have yet to stain. They still look as nice as the day I bought them. 

They also are hybrids and have a disposable insert option. I haven't tried this yet but have used the gdiaper disposable inserts (which appear similar) and it worked well. The one size option seems perfectly adjustable for a little newborn up to a toddler. We just prefer sized diapers for our monster child. 

I also really enjoy the snap system over the gdiaper's velcro. On the gdiapers it would stick to everything in the wash, wear down other fabric parts of the diaper, and begin to peal off and I would have to sew it back on. And like I stated before, The snaps on the sized diaper provide a little adjustment on each individual child allowing me to accommodate my sons chunky thighs while making it tighter around his waist. Overall the construction of Charlie Banana is so much better. 

I truly have no complaints about these diapers. Some customers complained the rise on them was too high but having a boy, this isn't a complaint for me. I also don't notice any significant issue in comparison with other diapers in regards to rise. If it's higher, its not too noticeable.

Oh, and how can I forget to tell you that my son now sleeps through the night?!! He used to wake every 3 hours to nurse, which made me assume he was waking due to hunger but now he sleeps straight till morning. It never occurred to me that when he was waking up at night that his diaper was also SOAKED. Now with Charlie Bananas he is drier at night and waking hardly ever. Why this never crossed my mind is beyond me ..... I think it was just the fact that he needed to be nursed back to sleep that made me assume it was hunger over comfort. 

Gdiapers recently just started selling an extra large size for babies above 36 lbs ..... I think we will be sticking to Charlie Banana =)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

I’m not trying to go against the grain here, I’m truly not but this Casey Anthony thing is getting ridiculous. I tried to avoid it like crazy. Being a new, hormonal (breastfeeding), mom prone to fits of tears and overwhelming emotion with a new sense of empathy for children, it was in my best interest to avoid this story/trial. With the verdict in though it has simply become impossible to do so. Everyone is in an uproar. Emotions are high and people are certainly making it known.

Cries of “injustice” and “the system failed” are completely preposterous. When I realized that this trial was going to be shoved down my throat whether I liked it or not I did days of research to see what all the commotion was all about. I laid down all the facts, removed myself from all the emotions I was feeling for that little girl and studied the evidence against Casey Anthony. I’m sorry, I’m no lawyer or judge (my fiance does have his law degree so I made sure to bounce some thoughts off of him), but it appears to me that not only was there not enough evidence pointing to Casey Anthony but the story the defense presented about the possible death of Caylee (drowning in the family pool) was enough to create reasonable doubt that Casey was guilty. 

Yes, that means that the system worked just the way it was fucking supposed to. A person is innocent until proven guilty BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT!! That’s right folks, the system did exactly what it was supposed to do. 

Now here is where I am going to be honest and I know that this goes against the majority ..... I’m sorry, I don’t mean to, but I am not entirely sure that this woman is guilty myself. When I strip away everything the news media has told us (we know what the opinion is there. GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY so of course they are going to point out things and report as such) and look at the actual evidence, the whole damn thing looks crazy!! In the midst of all the chaos, Casey’s lies, accusations of molestation, and the fact that the prosecution can’t even really tell us HOW Caylee died to begin with I can’t honestly say she is guilty (again, BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT). Don’t misunderstand me though, I can’t say she is NOT GUILTY either. 

Let’s pick it apart a bit. Just for the sake of an alternative view. Let’s say, for arguments sake that Caylee DID drown in the family pool, why cover it up? hide it? Maybe she and possibly her parents were scared of possible child neglect charges. You know, just as an example. It’s hidden and Casey goes on a 31 day party, binge, tattoo, dating fest. She must not care because she is out having so much fun, right? Wrong! Not always true AT ALL. In my lowest mindset when I was seriously thinking of ending my own damn life, I looked as if I was having a glorious time for a couple months. I drank and partied, I hooked up with random people, I whooped and hollered, made it appear I was having a ball when in reality I was being ripped apart inside. All of it was nothing more than self mutilating behavior but no one could have possibly known the difference. It’s the same thing that happens when a close loved one commits suicide and everyone says “we had no idea, he seemed so happy”

“But she was caught in all these lies!!” ..... let me tell you something, and this comes from someone who has actually spent some time with people capable of doing these things, I actually find it unlikely that someone who CAN hurt their own child would be unable to efficiently lie about it. Very rarely do you come across a killer who can’t lie. If you are capable of premeditated murder of your own child then you are most certainly capable of fucking lying about it without getting caught in those lies. 

Do I think the story I just laid out for you is actually what happened? Unlikely. There is so much crazy evidence and information I don’t think it will ever be known what truly happened. I could and most likely am totally wrong in my assessment of the situation but that is not even my point. My POINT is that there was enough reasonable doubt for her acquittal. End of story really. If she is indeed guilty than that is truly unfortunate but if the system were to change and people began to be convicted simply because the people strongly believe the person is guilty then I am fucking out of here!

I think about Caylee and how truly scared that poor child must have been when she died regardless of how it happened. It breaks my heart. It really does. I’ve shed tears over it but I doubt it really matters to her if “justice” is served. WE are the ones that need justice but it is really not our place to demand it outside of our own system. Christians that believe GOD will judge her should leave it at that. Stating what you would do to Casey Anthony if you ever saw her on the street only puts you in line to pay for your own sin of judgement. 

One last thing, when you shed your tears for Caylee, please try and remember all of the other children who haven’t been put on a pedestal by the media who are abused or murdered every day. If we spent as much time being outraged for them as we have done for Caylee then maybe these terrible things wouldn’t be so common. MAYBE if we  had spent some of this outrage on these issues long ago, Caylee would still be with us today....

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Oh, this is new?

New life + fresh start + new outlook = new BLOG!! I had a blog for a very long time and I loved it. Recently I have found though that I was having major issues writing/blogging. I tried to post more often but I felt like I was blocked. I had a load of excuses too. Like all the wedding planning and the new baby. I realized though that it wasn't that I didn't have TIME to blog, I did. It wasn't that I had nothing to write or even bitch about because I most certainly did. It was that my new life, this one heck of a lot more positive life I have been living, no longer FIT with the content of the old blog. 

I'm not that person anymore. Parts of that girl still linger. I can never fully run away from her nor do I want to. It's sort of like that size four dress hanging in my closet. I loved that thing and wore it all the time before I had my son. It will never really fit again though. Sure, I can get down to the pre pregnancy weight and I bet my waistline will eventually be as small as it used to be but my hips will always be a bit bigger and god knows my chest is going to remain, how should I put this? a little bit more voluptuous. The old blog is that dress. 

For the most part I am still that person though maybe with just a different outlook. This new blog may be a bit more family oriented but it won't be your typical family blog. I want it to be a place where I can gush about The Destroyer, bitch about the wedding, but still let my sarcasm run free and cuss up a storm ;D