Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Learning Beauty

It probably was crazy of me to try and lose weight during the holiday season, I'm also noticing that food has become some sort of evil addiction to me. Maybe when I quit smoking when I got pregnant I managed to develop another addiction to take it's place......food. Hmm, by now you've probably guessed it, I've gained weight.

Just 2 lbs thankfully. Could have been way worse to be honest. I really packed it away this week. My doctors told me that it may be a little more difficult to lose some weight because I'm still breastfeeding my son but that would be an excuse if I tried to use that ;D I know that this gain is entirely my fault.

I'm not overly concerned though. My goal is more to feel healthier and not so much to drop a pant size. I think I've just associated the two as being one in the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm still moving forward with my goal to drop a few pounds but I've learned a few things these past few weeks. Now I know that it's not how much I am eating but what I am eating that is the issue. Let's see if I can take that knowledge and move forward.

Like I said, if anything I will be healthier through eating properly and exercise. Besides, I'm no bigger than Marilyn Monroe was and SHE was beautiful.

A Very She & Him Christmas

I've already started playing the Christmas music all day long for The Destroyer and I to enjoy. It really gets me into the spirit and Raine, now that he's able, loves to dance to it and hear mommy sing all day. 

Normally I throw on the Pandora Christmas station but this year I have fallen in love with "A Very She & Him Christmas" I'm more than a little obsessed with Zooey Deschanel, especially her voice. I can't get enough of it and I've been digging M. Ward's upbeat, folksy sound for some time now. I'm hooked on "She & Him" and this has quickly become one of my favorite Christmas albums so check it out! I demand it! =) 

Monday, November 28, 2011

Sleeping Psycho

My neck is freaking killing me. The last two days have been a little more than sore. I'm pretty certain that it isn't anything more than a stiff neck from sleeping wrong. I think I've been sleeping wrong for nearly 30 years now. If I really analyze things it would explain all those nights of restless sleep, neck and back aches, and sometimes no sleep at all.

I think deep down in my some what (pfft) disturbed psyche I am a back sleeper. On the rare occasion that I sleep on my back or side all night I sleep soundly and wake up pain free, Unfortunately it takes a lot for back sleep to happen for me. Like a lot of booze or sleepy nyquil type cold medicines that knock you out for a decade at a clip. Why? Because if I sleep on my back than it's easier for the monsters, ghosts, or plain old murderers to get me.

That's right, folks. I'm one of THOSE people. I "hide sleep". It doesn't matter if I realize that the "monsters" aren't real or that the break in murderer is a rare occurrence. It certainly doesn't make a difference to me that if I DID encounter my imaginary foe that sleeping on my stomach isn't going to save me from my fate any damn way! If I catch myself sleeping on my back I promptly flip over to "save myself". God forbid my leg hangs off the side of the bed. Don't get me started on THAT!

Maybe some day I'll let you in on why I can't "hurt" or throw away my stuffed animals. Till then, my neck hurts...

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Because it's similar to the plague..

Black Friday. I don't get it. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not materialistic enough or as down for the "hunt" as others seem to be. Every year I see the sales and I can't understand the glamour of it all. The violence of it seems to build with each passing year as well and I wonder if that $2 toaster or cheaper television is worth the freaking hassle. 

I worked on Thanksgiving (bartender) and customers were coming in to order shots in an attempt to warm up to go back and stand in lines for these "deals". It's Thanksgiving and apparently people would rather stand in lines to buy things, objects, crap they don't need than gather and spend quality time with what is really important.....their loved ones. Maybe your pets?? How bout a little quality time with your inner child, huh?

I'm starting to believe it's just me though. I don't need or want for anything so maybe I'm just lucky like that. I'd rather snuggle up in my warm bed, pop in a late night movie for The Cuddler and I to enjoy while my son sleeps soundly. So what if the television I'm watching that movie on isn't HUGE? I can see it.....and I'm freaking BLIND!! Having it to begin with is a luxury and not a necessity. I hardly feel that I need to purchase a bigger, better one. The one I have works just fine and who the heck am I competing with?! If indeed I feel I need something, I think I'd rather just pay the extra money than possibly get mugged, shot, trampled or pepper sprayed on Black Friday. 

To some people I think it's more of a sport. If it's fun for you and you find enjoyment in it in that sense than I think I can understand that a little bit more. These are the people that are unlikely to funking KILL you to get what they want and if they don't get it at all? Well, they aren't going to cry in their oatmeal the entire next morning about it either. Kudos to them for not pepper spraying anyone for a cheaper Xbox......or not. Sports can get dirty too.

Looking around me yesterday though, I'm convinced it's just me that feels this way. Whatever. While everyone was busy shopping it allowed this chick some quality time with a good BOOK. Ever hear of those? hmm?

Telling you of nonsense things,

Telling you of nonsense things,

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful Everyday, Not Just Today.

I try to be thankful for everything I have everyday. I don't need a special day of the year to acknowledge all the important things in my life. It wasn't always that way though. Once upon a time I felt I didn't have anything worth giving thanks over. Thanksgiving day was just a day to sleep through. You could say my life has changed dramatically or you can chalk it up to a much more positive outlook. Either way though, I'm definitely a different, happier person than I was then.

Some may feel that a higher power has worked the change in me while others feel it was their influence in my life that saved it. Truth is I chose the change and I implemented it. Me. All on my own. I had inspiration of course in The Cuddler and The Destroyer. I needed to be better for them but more importantly I realized I needed to be better for me as well. So I put my mind to it and frankly, I grew up.

It's not to say that I don't struggle everyday with the depression and the foul moods. The things that go on in my head will always be there but by not making them the forefront of my life (as I used to) and practicing a little emotional modesty with others I've managed to allow a little sunshine in through the clouds in my mind. I never really believed I could feel better and I'm grateful that I've accomplished it.

Course, my husband still has to occasionally deal with my.....umm.....bad days? ;D lately I've been a little on the hormonal side so it hasn't exactly been pretty around here. I'm thankful for his patience, love, and understanding. He knows I'm just being a hormonal woman but never rubs it in my face and acts as if it removes the importance of how I am feeling at the time. I'm so lucky to have him.

I'm just as lucky to have my son. If you don't know the story, basically he's not even supposed to be here. He's my little miracle and while the idea of being a mother overwhelmed me at first I couldn't imagine my life without him now. In fact, I barely remember my life before him. I guess you could say I was born the day he was and I really have no desire to look back.

There are so many other things I am thankful for everyday, not just today. My family and friends, my Mother, having a job I love because not many people get to have that, food to eat and a safe place to sleep. You know, the basics. ;D I can even find something to be grateful for in the bad things I have going on right now. Maybe you can call it a new talent I've acquired ;)

If you wake up each morning and think about what's important, just give your trials and negatives a little less attention, you might find that life looks a little bit sunnier. Rainbows and ducklings if you wish. The saying is true that life is what we make of it.

So if you choose to whine and complain all day rather than finding enjoyment in something it's really on you. Your choice. I don't want to hear it. I'm too busy shitting happy skittles over here. May I make a suggestion? Get a funking puppy or something....

Telling you of nonsense things,

Monday, November 14, 2011

Hi, I'm Traci and I like to nom.

So, it's time. I haven't been feeling well and things have just simply gotten out of hand now. I keep getting dizzy spells, my back hurts constantly, my freaken clothes don't fit, and the other day I couldn't walk my 30lb son up a flight of stairs....yep, that's right. It's time to lose some weight and get back into shape.

I kept saying I would do it but then something would come up and eating healthy and exercise would land on the back burner. Now that we have no wedding planning and the honeymoon is behind us there is no excuse.

I don't have that much to lose but I'm the biggest and the most out of shape I have ever been. I figure I have about 30lbs (holding my kid puts that weight in perspective!) overall to lose. To be realistic I am setting a little more realistic goal of losing 20lbs by my birthday. January 27th which gives me around 2 1/2 months to lose it at a healthier rate.

I checked this morning and I am already down 3 lbs from 150 lbs setting me down at 147 lbs. According to my heart rate monitor I'm burning a hefty load of calories per day just running after my kid, working, and keeping this house tidy. I'm really active so I'm thinking what seriously needs to happen is a diet change. Our home cooked meals are generally very healthy because Raine is eating them with us. I'm cutting out all take out food entirely. Only meals or foods prepared at home will be allowed for this lady. I also need to up my water intake big time!

We'll see how that works. This week it has already losses me 3 lbs. If I find my weight isn't budging then adding working out to the mix may be in order. For those that give a poop, I made a little weight tracker over in the sidebar. I'm hoping that by publicly tracking myself I'll more likely stick to it this time. As many know, It's oh so easy to order pizza when you have a mobile one year old....

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Off to The Zoo...

Ahhh, the zoo. We were in Melbourne Florida and seeing as I have never really been to an actual official zoo we simply couldn't resist hitting up the Brevard Zoo. I enjoyed it very much. Other than the beach it was probably my favorite part of the trip. The Destroyer wasn't as entertained (in fact, he fell asleep) but I think that's mainly because our home is a zoo in itself. To him, if you've seen one animal you've seen them all. But we managed to have a great family day regardless. 

Check it out....

Birds! of all sorts. There was a pretty big assortment of feathered friends but seeing as that's one of my Mother's favorite stuffs we couldn't complain.

Owls are my favorite right now. This one heard Raine giggle and was peering around at him.

Occasionally amazed.

Mom was loving these little lorikeets....even suggested she bring one home ;)

They, of course, loved The Cuddler.

Raine cares about plants though!

Bats and anteaters makes me smile.

Getting to actually pet some animals perks him up a bit ;)

Evolution of Raine's smile =)

They had a giraffe exhibit where you could feed the giraffes and pet them but unfortunately they were in hiding during our visit. I wish Raine could have seen that! All in all it was a good time though and we didn't smuggle anything and get arrested as a result. That's always a plus..

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Vacation Peeks..

Here is our vacation (honeymoon?) in pictures. We also went to the zoo but I took so many photos there that I'm thinking that trip will likely have to be it's own post so more on that later.

For now, Enjoy...

We ended up getting a fairly large room with a full kitchen and a separate bedroom for pretty cheap.

The ocean views from our room/private balcony were amazing.

Raine decided he was going to start army crawling on this trip which I was ecstatic about (he's been a little slow on the mobility front for those who didn't know) but this also meant he was into everything ;)

Cruising too! Just all over the place this one. Some figure I just needed to remove him from his comfortable environment for him to try new things.

One of our little hotel room visitors ;D

The hotel pool and the view from. This was probably one of my favorite things but we really didn't have much time to enjoy it.

Raine loves water....big time!

Sunny day at the beach =)

Raine's first time at the beach and playing in the ocean. I think he enjoyed that even more than the pool.

I think we tired him out ;)

Curled up in his parents bed watching cartoons...

A little shopping downtown. I really wanted that chicken and The Cuddler really wanted that plane. We agreed to get both but when we swung back to the shop it was closed. Glad we have pictures to sustain us ;)

Our last day on the beach....

Tiny baby feet. Washing off the sand =)


Monday, November 7, 2011

Home is where I ...

It's so good to be home from our "honeymoon". People keep telling me that I am crazy or that I'm just being foolish when I express that I am relieved and comforted to be home. I guess it probably does sound a little unsound that I am happy to return to New England and all it's weather drama from sunny, warm Florida. But it's true, I swear to you. I'm not making this shit up.

The novelty of going on or actually being on vacation never lasts long with me. Usually a day or two within the trip and I start to miss home and my routine. I have an element, I like it, and I have a right to, no? I get a lot of flack from my peers suggesting that I am too sheltered and stuck in my ways. It's been said that I am missing out on life because I prefer to be home doing my thing rather than jaunting off to one so called "paradise" or another.

I ask you this though, is it possible that I just enjoy my life enough that I don't need to run away from it? That I don't need a break in "paradise" every year (or more) just to get through my day to day life?

I like to bitch. It's my cup of tea. What else would I do if I didn't piss and moan constantly? But it's all in good sarcastic fun because in reality I'm pleased as punch about the direction my life is headed. I don't really have much to complain about. Ahhh fuck it, I'm the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. EVER. No bullshit. My paradise IS my life. At least for the time being. I don't need to go elsewhere for peace.

It's not to say that traveling isn't fun but staying home is just as satisfying for me and a heck of a lot less stressful, truth be told. My point is that vacations, trips, etc are something fun to DO in my life but not a temporary respite from my life. So why can't I be this happy to be home?

Florida was good. The weather was perfect and I am happy I got some swimming/playing in the ocean time this year. The best part was Raine's first time at the beach and fun in the pool. The area we were in was a little .......*cough*.....boring but the week was generally enjoyable. We went to the area zoo and did some shopping. We ate a lot of the hotel's room service because their restaurant was freaking fantastic!

I think being away makes me appreciate home so much more. When I stepped out of the airport into the crisp cold air of Connecticut I felt so nostalgic. This is my home. My beautiful home. It's where I grew up, met my husband, and birthed my son. I love the change of seasons. Yep, even the cold ones because then I can bundle up in my cozy winter clothes and what better exercise than shoveling snow?! Any vacation paradise is going to be amazing but I think I have a good chunk of paradise right here where I am.

Besides, I'm 99% certain our hotel room in Florida was haunted...