Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mom's Worth?

In light of me officially becoming a stay-at-home momma on Friday (today is my last shift at work) I thought I'd touch on something that has been on my mind lately. Warning: my thoughts may not be very popular with some. Especially other stay-at-home mommies. I truly do not intend to offend. I'm basically just thinking out on this outlet is.

I've been seeing this estimated stay-at-home mom salary breakdown image floating around a lot on pinterest lately. At first I appreciated it. I thought that it acknowledged pretty fairly the worth of the mommies who stay at home to be with their children and all the things that they do.

Then I really started thinking more deeply on it. (I need to stop doing this, btw. My head hurts all the time from thinking too much.) Still working, I saw it more from the perspective of a working mom and here's the thing...don't all moms do these things listed in this chart? Working or not? Unless one is lucky enough to have a maid/nanny.... Someone's got to do it, right? Actually, in many households the daddies do many of these tasks as well.

James and I both equally do all the chores and tasks mentioned in this breakdown AND we both work full time. How would that compute? These are things that are literally part of everyone's day to day life. Don't YOU need to do laundry? Cook? Clean? Sure, some hire others to do them. Some people choose to not do them at all and live in disorganized filth. Everyone, whether they have children, pets, or live alone, have some sort of semblance of upkeep-type chores to do in their day to day lives.

So yes, maybe when a woman stays home she tends to take on the brunt of these tasks....but aren't we all juggling these things? Cooking, cleaning, work, raising our children, and caring for our pets, etc.

The Cuddler and I currently share these chores equally. When things change next week and I'm staying home while he works then many tasks will shift my way to keep things equal between us. Maybe the point of this is to show that a stay-at-home mom still has worth when compared to the working mom. I agree that one shouldn't trump the other....except maybe single moms. They take the cake! While I agree that just because a woman (or man. There are stay at home daddies too!) decides to stay home that it doesn't automatically mean she isn't working, this diagram almost seems to suggest that a stay-at home parent does more than the working one. That's where I disagree. I think it's just all a transference of responsibilities......responsibilities that everyone has.

I think I just see it differently though. No amount of cooking, cleaning, dirty diapers, laundry, teaching, problem solving, pet grooming, toddler chasing, or amount of stress would make me feel as though staying home with Raine is "work". To me, it's a privilege. I get the privilege of staying home with my son. Not many people can afford to have one parent stay home. I feel lucky to be able to spend this time with my kid. All the "work" that's involved? Well, I'd have to do it anyway. It's either me or Jimmy and honestly, he doesn't always do it right. ;)


Totally unrelated, I am tentatively rejoining the world of Facebook. I wanted to start a page for the blog and it turns out I need to have a personal account in order to do that.....sneaky bastards. I should have the link up for Facebook soonish. 

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Conversations With The Cuddler

That's right!! That came up way faster than I expected it to ;)


{Conversations with The Cuddler posts are excerpts of conversations with my husband, James. It's a peek at the hilarious, sometimes bazaar, always nonsensical topics that come up around here. In short, my husband just says the darndest things.}

We had just finished watching Breaking Dawn Part 1.....
Jimmy: Hey, how come Dakota Fanning wasn't in this one?
Me: They barely even showed the volturi. She'll be in the last one.
Jimmy: Does she do dastardly things?
Me: (I misheard and thought he said "thin" not "things") um....I suppose so. How is one "dastardly thin"?
Jimmy: THINGS. I said "things". Dastardly things.....hey, how come there aren't any obese vampires?
Me: ??
James: Seriously, if Carlisle came across a morbidly obese person that was dying and turned him, would he be a morbidly obese vampire forever? Would he need twice the blood? How come Carlisle doesn't have not one fat vampire in his family? With obesity apparently so prevalent you would think that the odds would be in favor of having one obese vampire in his coven.
Me: ....well, you
Jimmy: Is there some sort of rule that only "pretty" people be allowed to be vampires? I would like to be a vampire. Am I pretty enough you think? I can try harder...
Me: Crap.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Instagram Lovins

So glad this week is over. I feel like I can start this new week fresh now with a new outlook and a happier attitude....of course it's supposed to rain and be colder this week but I'm cool with it. That type of weather suits me ;)

Not much to report from instagram this week....

Bathroom, that mirror is dirty. Yes, I like duckies.

Sometimes Raine's toys sort of freak me out.

Fingers crossed for a better week!!

Saturday, March 24, 2012


My elliptical. I've tried plenty of exercise equipment, videos, and workouts but that elliptical has turned out to be the best money spent. After I had Raine I started experiencing some issues with my knees and ankles during any physical activity but the elliptical is super easy on my joints while providing me with a awesome cardio workout. Plus I can just zone out to the television while I am doing it and the 45 minutes a day I spend on it just flies on by. I miss my Tae Bo but this is a worthy replacement.

Thinking about
Patience. I am so horrible at it. It's definitely something I need to work on. I'm like Varuca Salt....I constantly "want it now!" but obviously life doesn't work that way. I need to just relax and enjoy the moment. Quit worrying about these things that make me impatient. I'm working on it though.

My last day at work on Thursday. Partly I am excited about it. I mean, it means a lot more time with The Destroyer and with my family. But I am still sad about it too. I have worked full time since I was 15. I don't really know anything about this staying home business. The idea of not bringing money into the house makes me nervous. Plus, no offense to woman who stay at home at all, but I am not entirely sure I AM that kind of woman. Time will tell though and I am sure Raine will keep me plenty busy....or I will keep him busy.....He'll probably wish mommy would just go back to work already ;D

Listening to
The light buzz of Raine's white noise machine and the dialog of an episode of A Haunting that is on T.V. Jimmy is off doing karaoke. I will never understand why I insist on watching these paranormal-type shows when I am alone in the house. I'm just asking to be terrified, right?!

My favorite, pasta bake! It's just an easy meal I make on occasion. Ziti, two jars of sauce, and a little bit of water in a baking dish. Cover that bad boy with some tin foil and put it into the oven (preheated at 350 degrees for the curious) for 30 minutes. Uncover and stir in some more water, top with some yummy mozzarella cheese, and throw that sucka back in the oven for ten minutes and bam! Dinner =) It's easy and it's yummy. What more can you ask for?

That we could hit the lotto. Who doesn't, right? I was on my realtor's website and saw she has just listed what would be the perfect house for us. It fits all our search criteria and gets all checks from our mini (read neurotic) perfect-house-for-us-wish/check-list. There's just one teensy little's just a little bit out of our price range. If we won the lotto I could pay off the little bit of left over debt that we have remaining and we could probably qualify for it. I would donate the rest of our winnings, promise. I just need this little itty bitty portion of it and the rest I will give away. *sigh* one can dream ;)

This post was totally inspired by Danielle over at Sometimes Sweet.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Embrace The Camera: Uneventful Week

It being one of those weeks, I spent much of it curled up on the couch with Raine watching movies. He's been such a trooper with my blah mood and with it being so beautiful outside the last few days I really need to make it up to him this weekend for hiding in the house for the majority of the week.

On a happy note though I actually got pictures of us where Raine is actually looking at the camera! This is a rare occurrence so anytime I catch one I get pretty excited. Even if I look like poop in them. ;) This week I caught two!

This little boy can brighten any dull day. His father has that same talent but Raine has that whole cute tiny person thing going on too ;D

Linking up with Emily over at The Anderson Crew for Embrace The Camera 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Standing Still

This has been such a blah week so far. Not a bad one. Just blah. I feel like I've become one of the walking dead. Maybe I'm a robot or something else empty yet functioning. I'm moving about my days as I normally do but my heart isn't really in it....or my head for that matter. I'm not sad or anything. Just, well, there.

I started a few blog posts for this week but I just don't seem to have the mental capacity to finish them. I'd get frustrated if I actually had the ability to do so! Maybe I'm just tired. It's possible I'm just overwhelmed and I need to just veg out a little.

There has been a lot going on but now we are stuck in an in between state right now. Nothing is moving forward and next week is also my last week at my job so I guess I just feel like a lump at the moment. Nothing going on and nothing to do. Stagnant. Standing still. Thank god I have The Destroyer's silliness to get me through this stale state of mind.

I go through this though occasionally. I usually just need something to do or to get excited about. Before Raine I would just go shopping but that not only feels like a silly waste of money when you have a mouth to feed but it usually only provides a brief moment of excitement. Not to mention that I usually end up buying crap I just don't need and I hate clutter or having my house filled with useless things. I need something to get excited about or to look forward too. I know I have plenty of things going on but I need something for me. Plus I feel like someone hit the pause button in my life. Not cool, dude. Hit play, hit play! I'm bored. 

Maybe I'll go bungee jumping or get something pierced. Moms can do that. Meh, or maybe I'll just start a new book. Yeah, that sounds like a better idea...

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Closure & Instagram Lovins

We walked out of the home today that we have been pining over for months without putting an offer on it. You would think I would feel disappointed but instead I feel a tremendous amount of relief and closure on the whole situation. The house needed a lot more work than we had anticipated and were willing to put into it. While it has plenty of potential for someone who is handy or has more experience renovating older homes, it wasn't really a workable situation for us. I'm pretty thankful for our realtor too. If it wasn't for her we would have completely overlooked a lot of things. We probably would be living with many regrets in five years if we had purchased this house.

I'm not sad though. Jimmy thinks we were so upset the first time we lost this house because the situation was out of our hands. This time it was our decision to walk away. I almost feel free though. I've had this house on a pedestal for awhile now and it was ruining my ability to appreciate other homes we were seeing. Now all that has changed. It will be easier to continue our search from here on out I think.

As always, I still have time for Instagram! ;D Here are the highlights of the week...

1} Monkey! He's been my sleeping companion for going on five years now. I just can't quit him.
2} A Yummy muffin I almost stole from a coworker. He really shouldn't leave food just laying around....he knows I'm always hungry ;)
3} Raine taking a little nap on my lap....well, his head anyway. He's getting too big to fit entirely now.
4} THE house....which turned out not to be THE house. I still appreciate how it looks from the outside though.
5} Little boy is decked out in green for St. Paddy's Day....but will he ever wear any shoes?
6} Raine must have a molar coming in or something. He's been jamming his whole hand in his mouth for a week now and has that extra drilling thing going on.

Phew! all this closure is exhausting....I need a nap now.

Linking up with Jenni @ Story of My Life  for Best of Instagram =)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A Little Luck on St. Patrick's Day

You know that feeling that you get when you first meet someone? Someone you like, I mean. "Like" as in you have a crush. You can't get them out of your mind. Everything is exciting and new. You can't wait to see them or talk to that person again. You walk around with this anxious yet happy knot in your stomach and maybe even a little worry type lump in your throat because you aren't sure what will happen next. Everyone loves that feeling. It's pretty intense too. I mean, how many times has that feeling been mistaken for love? It's a great feeling. No one really enjoys the rejection that can possibly follow that feeling though but we still keep chasing it regardless.

I'm going through a crush right now although it's not what you may suspect. Things with James are perfectly fine, I promise. In fact, after four years I'm happy to say that I still feel like I'm walking around with a big ol' crush on Jimmy. *mushiness ends here* I'm suffering (because it's kind of like suffering just a little) from a whole new crush. It's not a crush on a person though. No folks, I am suffering from a house crush.

I know, I know, you're probably tired of all my house hunting talk by now. It's just that this thing has completely consumed our lives at the moment. I'm hoping that it might actually be over pretty soon though.

I've mentioned once or twice that early on in our search, probably a couple months ago now, we had actually found the perfect house. A big ol' victorian with 5 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a little under an acre of land. Cheap too as it needed some work here and there but we loved that place. We figured we could spend the rest of our lives restoring it almost as a hobby together. Maybe one day leave it to the kids. I pictured teaching my children in that home and it had enough space for a school room and maybe even a craft room for painting and music for our family to be creative. I'm not interested in a big fancy home to show off but a place to learn, grow, and raise our family. This house provided that functionality but also had so much history and charm.

Unfortunately by the time we went to make an offer on the place the owners had already accepted someone else's offer. I cried for a week. Sounds dramatic, I know. I can be that way sometimes but I had already pictured my entire life in that place which in itself is odd because I can hardly picture my future past next week! I eventually got over it though but every house we have viewed since has, in our minds, been compared to this one perfect (for us anyway) house and none were able to size up in comparison. We even went right to the top of our price range to find something similar and while we did find more space, features, basically mansion-type houses in that price range nothing ever did fit for us like our old victorian.

Last week another victorian came on the market. It wasn't as good as ours but it had potential. We started to get excited about it and made an appointment to go see it this weekend. Thursday though I got an email from our realtor that took the air right out of me. Our victorian is back on the market!! Apparently, it was a short sale (which we had known) and while the owners had accepted the original buyers offer, the bank had rejected it and they didn't want to pay any higher for the place. So here we are, it's available again and we just might have another crack at it.

What are the odds? In this market, probably pretty good actually. Sellers are having trouble selling and buyers are having trouble getting qualified for was evident in the fiasco we went through a few weeks back. I just can't believe this chance has come our way. I'm not much good in the luck department. This is foreign territory for me. Maybe divine intervention? Although I'm pretty certain God has better things to worry about than getting us a house ;D

My realtor hasn't seen it yet so we are all going on Sunday then hopefully submitting our first (and if luck has anything to do with it, our only) offer that afternoon. As long as no one slips in before then we should be ok. Even if the bank rejects our offer we have some wiggle room to negotiate. I'm very thankful for that right now. I'm very nerved up over the whole thing though. Losing this house again will likely hit harder the second time around. I'm trying to remain positive but I'm a worrier by nature too. My fingers and toes are crossed though and hey, Today is St. Patrick's day and I'm irish so maybe there will be a little luck on my side!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Embrace The Camera: Close Ups & Playtime

Raine has made some leaps and bounds in development this week. He started talking up a storm around 10 months old saying things like "I get" and "kitty kat". When he started finally working on crawling and walking though he sort of just babbled. He was very focused on getting around rather than talking my ear off. Now that he's mastered mobility like a champ (all that worry over my late bloomer for nothing!) this week he's started saying all sorts of crazy words and phrases. Things I didn't even know he was picking up!

Yesterday he stood at the safety gate between our living room and dining room (which he can open on his own, by the way. There is no containing this child) and my dog was blocking his way. Raine started screaming clear as day "Stop! Get out!" repeatedly at him. What??! Imagine this if you will, this little boy who barely stands up to this 130 lb Rottweilers chest screaming at him to basically move the heck out of his way. Michigan's (the dog) response? Repeated licks to little boys face.

He uses "get out" for everything now from yelling at the dog to telling us he's done in the tub. "I get" is still his go to phrase because it's the precursor to him getting into least I get a warning ;D and apparently tonight he started saying "uh oh" which is pretty typical I guess for kids his age. Today, when Aunty Melinda interrupted The Amazing World of Gumball for a few snuggles he struggled out of her arms screaming something to the effect of "nooo gummball!". I'm in trouble....

Now that he's more vocal it's much easier for him to communicate when he wants playtime with mommy or snuggles. Here's a few pictures from our silliness this week...

Linking up with Emily over at The Anderson Crew for Embrace The Camera 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

James and Jason Sitting in a Tree

James has certain, um, worrisome behaviors. I've mentioned many of them here like his compulsion to eat food off of the floor or ground regardless of the length of time it's been there. As long as its edible....or not. Sometimes it just needs to look yummy. There's that obsession with corn thing although that seems to be lessening a bit probably partly due to my insistence that we don't eat it as much because of its higher calorie count. I'm sure we've discussed once or twice how I can't listen to music at all without a certain someone writing a 10 sec parody to whatever it is I'm listening to about poop or something else derogatory yet childish. But there is one thing about James I have yet to mention here. It's something I am finding increasingly more disturbing as time goes on. I keep hoping that it doesn't hint to a deeper that could split up our marriage.....

My husband has a man crush on Jason Bateman. 

For those who don't know him, Jason Bateman is an actor best known for his roles in Arrested Development, Juno, The Change Up with Ryan Reynolds (C'MON! You don't know who Ryan Reynolds is??!!) and more recently, Horrible Bosses.

My. Husband. Loves. This. Guy. No joke. If I suggest a movie night, the first thing Jimmy does is a quick search to see if there is any movies Jason Bateman is in that we may have missed. Thankfully I enjoy him enough that watching a shit load of this guys movies isn't so daunting.

James is notorious for falling asleep during a movie. Drives me nuts when I'm attempting to spend some quality time with him and I look over to find him out cold. Not Jason Bateman movies. Nope. Jimmy is wide awake and alert the entire film. What does it mean??!!

Does Jimmy just think this guy is really funny? Does he admire him in some weird way? Does he want to be Jason Bateman?

Does he want to be with Jason Bateman?!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality. Not in my opinion. Some may disagree with me but I am A-Ok with it. As long as people are happy I can dig it....what I can't dig is my husband possibly checking out some man action! He married ME. He best not be checking out anyone either man, woman, or even dogs.

But maybe I'm jumping to conclusions on this one. He probably just thinks the guy is hilarious and I honestly have nothing to worry about. I'm sure I don't need to take into account his oddly close almost feminine relationships with his best guy I?

Obviously I'm just kidding. Just a little sarcasm from me to you. ;) Although, one other movie that James remained incredibly alert for.......

....Brokeback Mountain.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Appreciation and Bobbing for Dog Food

This week it turning out to be a way better week than last week. Our mortgage guy called us Friday to express that he was upset that he sort of miffed things up a bit and that he was going to try and do something for us. We had little faith that he could do anything after doing our own further research into the matter but by Sunday we were back to our old selves. We knew we were going to be alright and that's what really mattered to us. A house is just a house and what not. Monday we got the call back from our mortgage agent though telling us that he was able to get us qualified! I'm pretty sure he pulled some strings so he is redeemed in my eyes. ;)

So we are back on the hunt but with a new appreciation for the situation than we entered this change in our lives with. We will take our time because what is important is being together (as mushy as that sounds....yes, that's me saying this) and spending time together.

When I was feeling all down last week this video of The Destroyer cheered me up quite a bit. Thought I'd share.....

That's Raine bobbing for dog food. I went to reprimand the dog for stealing Raine's food and when I turned around Raine was exacting a little revenge of his own.....I guess ;) God, I love this kid.

Monday, March 12, 2012

House Hunt Update and Instagram Lovins

Last week was a very long week for us. Very emotional and, well, sad. This whole house hunting situation was a major hit for us. To go from looking for a new home so we can grow our family to being told that none of it may be possible....ever was really rough. Especially when we CAN actually afford to buy! But the house isn't what matters. Having room to give Raine a brother or sister is what is important to us.

Things are looking brighter today though. Our mortgage lender is trying to work with us regardless of their silly rules that are stopping us to begin with. If they still can't qualify us for what we need there are other options. Like renting for a few years until we can sell the multi family that is causing all this trouble to begin with. Even renting a home with the option to buy it is a possibility. There is hope and definite ways to work around all this so that we can have a baby.....I guess it wasn't until this week that I even realized that's what we really wanted. A baby, not so much a house. Having hope helps in being better in the patience department.

I didn't take many instagram photos this week though due to the craziness we were going through......

 Laying in bed and the door opened on it's own.......thinking the cat did least, I'm hoping. ;)

Raine making himself comfortable

Let's hope this week is better!!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Nominated? Me?!

Melissa over at My Unpublished Life nominated me for the sunshine award!! Which I suppose means I should be a little bit more cheery, don't you think ;) I will step out of my gloomy mood (just for a minute) to graciously accept =)

The Rules:
1} Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog.
2} Answer 10 questions about yourself.
3} Nominate 10-12 other fabulous bloggers.
4} Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blogs, letting them know they have been nominated.
5} Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

The Questions
Favorite Color: I always have to think of this one and I don't know why. Maybe because I'm a big fan of color in general. All colors. I'd have to say red though. It's my "go to" color I guess you could say. For everything too. My hair, walls, my couch, but oddly....none of my clothes...hmm...

Favorite Animal: I love ALL animals but I would have to say kinkajous are my favorite. They are just so sweet looking and they look like pokemons! "Kinkajou" even sounds like a pokemon name, don't you think?

Favorite Number: 23 because everything in my life comes down to twenty three. Actually, everything ends up coming up 23. It's that whole 23 enigma thing. Raine was conceived on Dec 23rd and was born Sept 23rd....that number is everywhere. 

Favorite Non-alcoholic Drink: Yoo-hoo! Omg, I love me some yoo-hoo......

Facebook or Twitter: Neither at the moment. I can't really even understand twitter and Facebook just causes too much conflict in my life right now. I'm nice and happy with my blog right now...and Pinterest. Can't forget that. ;) 

My passion: My family. Jimmy and Raine. If you're asking what makes me, well, me? Music. Hands down it's music. 

Prefer getting or giving presents: Giving. I love the look on my loved ones faces when I have given them a gift they either really wanted or really love. Makes me giddy. Getting gifts is great too but giving rocks my socks. I know, seems so out of character for me ;)

Favorite Pattern: I'm sort of obsessed with chevron right now. It's a good thing it's all over the place right now too. 

Favorite Day of the Week: Right now it's definitely Saturday. That's our family day. We just sit around and relax. Spend time together and hang with Raine. After I am done working at the bar though I suspect it will be Friday because it will be the start of the weekend with my family. 

Favorite Flower: Lilies. I love all lilies. 

The Nominees 
Nominating was tricky for me. 8 out of 10 of my nominees have already been nominated  so I am going to do it like this, If you're reading this post right now, YOU'RE NOMINATED!! That's right, you! Just for being you =) Have fun! and Thanks again, Melissa for the Nomination =) 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Practicing Patience

I'm a little bit heartsick. Ok, more than a little bit. I kinda sort of want to crumble up in a puddle of tears right now. Disappointment is by far my most despised emotion. What's worse is that I shouldn't have to feel it so deeply right now. A little disappointment was inevitable but not soul crushing...

We were told that, all of a sudden, we don't qualify for another mortgage. Three months ago we qualified for a pretty high one and now we don't. Nothing changed for us financially but here we are. If we were told this from the beginning then the kick to the gut would have probably been a little less severe...a little. I hesitate to call our mortgage guy an idiot....but maybe there is a reason he's worked for 3 different mortgage companies is under a year.

Because of the multi family we currently own we are unable to qualify for another mortgage we intended on using for a single family. Initially we were told that due to the rental income we receive from this place that the mortgage would be a wash or cancel itself out when applying for another mortgage. Three months after looking at homes and now narrowing it down to a few promising prospects we are being told that in reality we qualify for nothing as long as we own this home. At least, as long as we can't afford two whole mortgage payments. Apparently the rental income doesn't count (yeah, I'm confused too) so until Jimmy makes enough (probably in about 4-5 years or so) or we sell the multi family we are stuck.

I hate this house. I always have. We bought the multi family in a desperate situation where we worried that not only us but my mother and brother would be homeless. It was something we felt at the time needed to be done. We were told that buying a single family in the future would be no problem. And that was at the income level we were in at the time we purchased the multi family which was WAY less than we make now. Apparently we were misinformed though.

It was supposed to be temporary. Even so, we didn't think we could have children and never expected to feel as crowded as we do now. I mean, two adults, a 130 lb dog and now a toddler in a two bedroom apartment? Not fun. Manageable of course, many people live with much less but it's not ideal. And I have little hope of adding a second child to this situation which makes me feel even more desperate seeing as we wanted to start trying for a baby at the end of the year.

Seems simple. Just sell the multi family, right? Not really. We bought the house right before real estate went yucky and now it's worth about half of what we paid for it. If we sold it we would still owe on it...although obviously not as much as we do now so it's sort of an option in our minds. We've also considered just renting our apartment and renting a house until the economy gets better and we can at least sell the multi for what we owe on it. Unfortunately that could mean having to rehome our pup....not many will want to rent to a Rottweiler family. I'm feeling as if I need to choose between my dog (part of the family) and another child. That's not going to happen and that's not fair.

But the world isn't fair. I hold out hope though that a solution will be reached. I remind myself of all I do have and how many people would feel lucky to have problems such as these. It doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to feel hurt and disappointed, appreciating what I've got doesn't render my hurt feelings invalid, but I still hold perspective on everything. The disappointment will fade. Hopefully the economy will get better and we can sell this prison. I will just have to practice more patience. Practice makes perfect....or so I'm told.

Monday, March 5, 2012

But I don't belong in a country club....

Things changed for us this week. I have been terrified that we will lose ourselves, lose who we are. I sometimes wonder if we already have....just a little bit. This is life and things are going to change. I can't stop these changes but I can stop them from changing us if I am aware of it. 

I hope I can.

I think we got caught up in everything. Jimmy kept getting raises and our debt finally diminished. We started to look at houses. In the beginning we were looking at homes that represented us. Big old victorians that needed some TLC but oozed character and creativity. There was one victorian.....I had dreams of painting it purple and fushia.....maybe drive the neighbors a little nuts ;)

Then something changed and we began to look at houses that more represented the money James is making. Large homes with brand new kitchens and jacuzzi tubs that were good for entertaining and dinner parties. We told ourselves that we were looking at them because the other homes wouldn't accommodate the larger family we hope to have or support our creativity. Thankfully something came up that brought us crashing back to ourselves. Maybe god had a little hand in it. We have no place in that lifestyle and besides, I don't do dinner parties.

I am going to have to work doubly hard to keep this family grounded. I feel this pull to beg Jimmy to quit his job in an attempt to gain a firmer grasp on who we are. I have dreams of us selling our belongings, packing up our little family and hitting the road. Seeing the world and living meagerly. Working odd jobs to provide what little we need. Schooling Raine through first hand experience. But we have a family now and I realize that leaving his job isn't the responsible thing to do. I need to find another way to keep us humble. Also, the fact that Jimmy is good at what he does and his work recognizes it is part of who he is too. Once I accept that fact I can focus more on making sure it doesn't change us.

It seems that I don't appreciate Jimmy's work and the money he makes but I do. It's just that money changes people. How much or how little one makes can greatly change a person. I want to make sure the money holds no bearing on who we are. Maybe apply it to savings for our children to go to college rather than buy fancy homes that we don't need. We aren't material people by nature. Why would I become one now?

We are back to looking at more suitable homes that suit us better. It will require some patience but the right one is bound to come along. Could be a year, could be any day now. Till then I have the purple and fushia paint all mixed and ready...

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Instagram Lovins

I was a little instagram crazy this week. We were still all healing from being so sick the week before so there was a lot of laying around going on.....making more time for random home picture taking ;) 

1 & 2} Breakfast for daddy and boy. Our first real food since being so sick.
3} "The Giraffe" My stuffed-animal-obsessed cat has been carrying this beanie baby around the house for weeks. I think I finally found a place for it that she can no longer reach....I hope anyway because if I trip over it one more time....
4} An unexpected good hair day needed to be documented.
5 & 6} Straight bangs with curly hair.....I was SO lazy that day.
7} Nomming on gold fish crackers....
8}.....and getting some reading done.
9} Sleeping in the car....
10}....and sleeping on the floor after playing. This is weird and tells me that Raine was still catching up on rest from being sick because this child will usually sleep no where but his crib.

Linking up with Jenni @ Story of My Life  for Best of Instagram =)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Embrace the Camera: Concerned Boy

I've been feeling a little down today. Nothing big or anything. Probably just the weather or lack of sleep or maybe the fact that I watched Nights in Rodanthe this morning. That movie is funking sad, people. Damn you, Nicholas Sparks.....

Raine senses when I don't feel right. He feeds off my emotions all the time but when I am down he seems to be extra sensitive to it. His snuggles are amplified and he's constantly touching. Patting my hair or reaching for my hand. Today he kept bringing me my glasses and trying to feed me gold fish crackers. He didn't leave my lap till nap time. I love that little boy =)

He's too busy trying to grab the camera to look at it. 

How can I stay sad with all of that cuteness running around the house? Answer: I can't!

Embracing the camera with Emily over @ The Anderson Crew =)

Gluttonous Cuddler

Last week Jimmy had an episode of dysphagia. Basically he goes through episodes where it's hard for him to swallow. Almost like an allergy of sorts. He hasn't had a bad episode since we have been together. Mostly just mini episodes but he's described the bad ones to me. Personally I think it's severity is psychologically based on the fear of the situation. I could see last week that the more worked up and fearful he became, the more severe the episode seemed to get. I poked fun at him a little in an attempt to ease the situation and gradually he began to feel better. He just needed to focus on something else (in this case, trying to prove that it WASN'T psychological ;) other than his fear I think.

This was just one of the milder situations though. There was one time this little disorder he has scared the living crap out of me and cost me a little money too! In fact, I'm not even sure that his dysphagia had anything to do with it. It may have had more to do with the fact that Jimmy is a bit of a glutton who doesn't know how to chew his food slowly or take his time ;)

I was six months pregnant and bar-tending that day. Thankfully it was slow. Jimmy shoots me a text in the afternoon that simply says "I'm choking". Who the heck, in the midst of choking, thinks "oh I should probably text my girlfriend to let her know I'm dying"? I mean, c'mon. But I'm pregnant and emotional and not thinking all too clearly.

So I call him frantic because I'm idiotic enough to honestly believe that if he's choking to death that he's going to answer, right?.....but he does! I inform him that if he was indeed choking than he wouldn't be able to talk to me as he was. He clarifies that he still feels this thing in his throat. "What thing?". Turns out he was sucking a werther's original caramel hard candy and swallowed it. Something tells me that he was probably sucking on three of them when it happened....gluttonous fool ;)

At this point I'm still fearful that if this thing is indeed still in his throat that it will dislodge and actually cut off his airways or something so I tell him to get his butt to the hospital. He's gotten himself so nerved up that he's hesitant to go but he caves to my insistence. Meanwhile my boss is in the background laughing his ass off at the entire situation.

He gets to the hospital, checks in, sits for a minute and texts me "I think it went down". Oh. My. God. I tell him to go home then. No point in paying for a bill that we don't need but the hospital tells him once he checks in he has to be seen. Of course.

I shoot my mom a call because she worries and I just want to let her in on what is going on. She's nonchalant about the whole thing and tells me that for something like that to just drink hot coffee and it will melt it. Seems legit.

James gets seen and they tell him they don't see anything. DOH! The nurse tells him to drink something hot if the situation ever presents itself again. I paid 300 bucks for that advice. The advice my mother had given not 15 minutes prior.

Moral of the story? Jimmy's dysphagia is crazy. Also, I'm going to need to hire a babysitter for James AND Raine when I'm away. I can see it now....getting a phone call from a future 8 year old Raine.....

"Mom, you got to come home. Dad's choking on candy again."